Christmas 2009

Here are a whole bunch of pictures from this year's Christmas. Start with a little Christmas gathering with our friends Bill Emeott, Jeff and Abbey Land. Then Christmas morning at our home after Santa visited and then with my parents. Enjoy and have a great new year.

2009: The Year of Gifts

Sorry if this seems a little incoherent, but I am a bit confused. Not sure where am I.  I was in Springfield, TN living in a my home. No, no, I think I was in Orange Beach, AL renting an apartment. No, that can't be right. Maybe I am in Franklin, TN staying in someone else's home rent-free. Huh?

Wild year. One that is hard to encapsulate in a post. Shannon and I were talking on the drive to my parents for Christmas of what we did together in each of our 8 past Christmases. I could not remember last year, but Shannon remembered that our friends the Joneses watched Jacob, my parents watched Ava and Shannon and I took a "stay-cation" taking day trips to different parts of Tennessee. "That was last year. Just 12 months ago?" I replied. It seemed so, so long ago.

So much has happened in 12 months that it is hard to believe it all occured in the same year. Not just living in 3 different places, but our mindsets. In Springfield, knowing only that we didn't know what our future direction should be. Going to Orange Beach in hopes of finding that answer, but unsure of when and how that answer would present itself. In Franklin, with a clear vision for our future but new challenges in our new lifestyle.

So many people tell you that time flies and that your life, especially with your children, passes too fast. Maybe I will hold that view at some point in my future, but I am 34 now, with a 7 1/2 year marriage, a 5 year old and a nearly 2 year old. My verdict: time is just creeping on and it is great that way. Jacob at 5 years of age, ready to start kindergarten in less than a year; yea, that sounds right. Hasn't flow by to me. Nearly 8 years with Shannon; I seems longer because I can't imagine life without my wonderful soulmate.

One thing I am probably going to regret later is using this quote from an 80s movie. At the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Ferris says: "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Everyone seems to agree with the sentiment of how fast life moves, but many don't apply the solution Ferris suggests. You have to make a concentrated effort to look around to keep your perspective. By looking around, I mean really thinking about what is happening in your life. Going back and trying to recount how you got there, like Shannon and I did trying to remember our past Christmases. But not just now and then, but fairly regularly. Sometimes looking at the big picture but other times looking at the immediate past. It is something I try to do, and I testify that it generally works.

I confess that some periods of your life are a bit more "ordinary" than others which makes it harder to recall, but that also means there are periods of your life which are quite extraordinary. 2009 has been that year. The greatest gifts I received this year, in order:

1. Jacob's salvation.

2. Seeing the healing of grief in Shannon's life

3. Receiving direction from God on moving to First Baptist Nashville and our new family direction.

4. Having a wild and unpredictable year which made my 12 months of living seem like 2-3 years of life.

My worst fear apart from the death or harm for my family is having a life without abundance. Without fullness or depth or excitement or challenges or opportunities or goals.  A mundane existence where the days blended together and your life feels like it is flying by you without you making an impact on it or it making an impact on you. 2009 was anything but my worst fear.

Predictions for 2010? Yea, right. Could I have predicted 2009? I won't even try and make a fool of myself by doing that. But that is the fun of it. I don't know what is in store and I can't wait to find out.

In Nashville (Franklin, actually)

Been a bit of a whirlwind this month. My posted the news on Facebook several weeks ago so I assume everyone knows we have moved to Nashville as Shannon is the new children's minister at First Baptist Nashville. We are currently staying at the church's mission home in Franklin looking for permanent residence.

Ironically, now that we have moved from Orange Beach I should take some time to explain why we moved there in the first place. Given we are there only slightly less than 6 months and ultimately made a new move from Springfield of 30 miles south, it may seem like a mistake to move there. On the contrary, it was one of the best things we have done as a family, and our place in Nashville and Shannon's new job would not have been possible without doing so.

I will write more about that later. Today, I have a little boy upstairs who wants to play. Heading to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner later today, and Jacob will spend a few nights with his grandparents.

My Life as a Play: Jacob's Worship Song

Setting: Daddy is putting Jacob to bed. Jacob has longed like to make up songs, especially worship songs. They are always original, including never repeating the same line twice or in the same key. In fact, there is typically no discernible key or harmony or pitch. Just a worshipful heart. He gives Daddy an impromptu performance.


Jacob:

I love you God.
You made the whole world.
You took away the yucky from my heart.
You died for me on the cross.
You gave me a great family.
You made all the birds and animals.
You made the sweet sweet reindeer that carry Santa.
I love you.

Morning After

I feel much better about my race this morning because of how bad I feel. I never feel sore after my normal runs. Today, my muscles ache. I obviously pushed myself yesterday which is good.

Race Results: Running Scared 2009

I ran 26:42. I was hoping to be in the 25s, but it was not to be. This was my PR so I am pleased in that regard. The plan was to be at 8:30 at 1 mile, 16:00 at the second mile and run that last part of the race at a 9 mile pace.

I largely carried this out through mile two (around 16:15), but I just ran out of gas in the last part. I did not feel real fast in that first mile and expected I was expending more energy than I wanted to for the first mile. The weather was perfect, but it was odd course. It was back trails through this park. Turf was a mixture of concrete, gravel, dirt, and loose dirt. Also, the organizers had to work with the course available, but it was not quite 5K. My friend had his GPS watch with him, and he measured the course at 3.18 miles. Not that it would have got me into the 25s, but it was a bit long.

I do know I can put together a 5K race to run in the 25s (and faster in years to come), but I need to increase my training distance. I never run more than 3.5 miles in training. I plan on making a weekly long run where I steadily up my distance to around 10 miles. Also, I am ready to add some speed work and other aspects of training into my routine, not just run 3 miles 3-4 times a week.

All things to work on. That is a fun part of it. Looking forward to years of running. Results are here. I did get 3rd in my age division. Of course, there were only 4 men in my age division.

Empty Moving Trucks

There are two moving trucks outside our townhome, one each being rented by next door neighbors. These are the two neighbors we first met when we moved here. Each had a daughter nearly Jacob's age and were natural playmates. These children would knock on our door and ask Jacob to play. Sometimes they came into our home and played upstairs in the play room. We only briefly chatted with the parents, but they seemed quiet normal. Yet during the brief 5 months we have been here, both families had one spouse decide they just did not want to stay married, then moved out and filed divorce. The remaining spouse is packing up the remaining belongings and leaving in the moving trucks.

I don't think I have ever seen divorce this up close. I have had closer friends go through divorces, but it has not seemed as vivid as these two. I believe it is because of the children and their connection with Jacob. One girl became, in some ways, Jacob's first girlfriend. She was certainly his best friend here. She would knock on the door after school and ask if Jacob could come out. They played little imaginary games, have little silly fights where one would leave angry or crying but then come back to each other in ten minutes to play again as if the fight had never happened. Jacob would talk about how pretty she was and how much he liked her, but it was always very innocent and without the connotation of a true romance.  A five year old boy and a five year old girl who were best friends.

She told Jacob she was going to travel to Arkansas for a long visit, but she would come back. I am sure that is what her mother told her, but they were never coming back. I spoke to the father, and he said she was depressed at motherhood and its loneliness, her weight gain since having the daughter and just discontent her life. There was no real strife or enmity within the marriage. The wife just wanted a new start.

As the weeks went by, Jacob still talked about the girl and how she was coming back. Then one day when Shannon was driving him home from school, Jacob began talking about her and he must have finally realized the reality of the situation. He began crying, and through the tears he said "She lied to me. She told me she was coming back, but she isn't." What do you say to something like that?

The other girl was a bit older than Jacob, but she would still play with him. When we met her, she was so sweet. Shannon felt she would be a good influence on Jacob. One day I saw her mom and made some small chat. She shared her husband had left her, and she did not know why. You never get all the details on marital troubles, and we only heard her side, but apparently there was no infidelity or growing embitterment. He just got tried of the marriage and left. It was the second marriage for both of them, with each having kids from the first, and together they had a 7 year old daughter and a 10-month old son.

Since then, this sweet 7 year old would still play with Jacob but now in a manner that was less sweet, not nearly as generous. I noticed that every time I would encounter her she would try to hug me or jump on me or grab me or ask me to pick her up.  One time on the common lawn, I was walking back with Jacob, and she ran up behind me and jumped on me. I gently put her down and kept walking to the house, but she persisted in this bizarre assault. As I was literally holding her off of me at arms length, as she kept saying "Spin me around. Spin me around," I got concerned that neighbors would think it very odd of this young girl chasing this grown man.

You don't need to be counselor to see how her father's abandonment of the marriage was changing her view of herself and her need for love and affirmation. She is very pretty little girl who would flourish in loving and stable home. Now I worry about her future. Will she be promiscuous as a teenager and young adult? How will she view and trust men? Maybe she will turn out great. Maybe.

The best sermon I ever heard on divorce was from my friend Greg Methvin. It was soundly Biblical in holding up the standard of marriage but wisely pastoral in dealing with broken people and the hurt experienced through divorce. He spoke of the connection that two married people always have, that divorce can never truly take away. You become one, then are torn apart, but part of that person always remains with the other. The tearing also rips apart others, especially the children, but really all the people who were part of that one life you shared, including the 5 year old neighbor boy who adored your daughter.

Both trucks are nearly full with their belongings and ready to head out to their new locations. A new start they might say. But they might as well be empty. The stuff that really matters can't be loaded into a moving truck and carted off. It will always be left behind.