Another one of my personal challenges this year is to be deliberate and consistent in spending quality time with Jacob. Through these first couple of years, you spend so much time on the care part of rearing your child. You do interact and play with him but the "play" is very light. It is all important, from the day he his born, but it is not what I consider quality time.
I consider quality time to be what shapes his character and spirit. Time that begins to mold him in the man I hope him to be. In early times, his attention span and memory is so small that you mostly entertain and provide mental stimulation through games and interaction. But he is not, I believe, learning and observing deeper truths about your deep love for him and character traits like selflessness and patience.
As we are into the 3s, I notice much change in my son. I see his mimicing of Shannon and me in what he says and what he does, both good and bad things. I see his character and the innate sinfulness he inherited from his spiritual father Adam. I know this is a time to be conscious that Jacob is forming his values and beliefs, and thus, I want to make sure he learns the right values and beliefs from Shannon and me.
He is too young to give too many talks concerning these truths so instead they need to be modeled. I believe the best way to do that is with quality time where he gets the best of Dad as Dr. Robert Lewis spoke of his best memories of his father. Time where he can see my love him and then associated the values I am demonstrating as those which he should embody as well.
For the last month on Thursday nights, I have been taking Jacob to the YMCA to swim in their indoor pool and then go to McDonald's later to play. He loves the pool and the games we will play. It is both funny and a little scary to be with him in the men's room changing. Jacob is at the age where is 1.) very observant, 2.) very loud and 3.) completely tactless. He will see the other men changing and blurt out "Daddy, that man is naked. Look, he does not have any clothes on" or "I see that man's butt" or "He has a big belly." I don't know what he is going to say next.
This is a challenge because it is easy for me to go into provider mode with Jacob and just focus my energies on providing his needs such as getting him to bed and fixing breakfast. Those are very important of course, but he also needs time just with me where I give him my complete attention. It is a challenge because I get tired from my other responsibilities, especially work, and want to zone out. I need this personal time, but I also have to have the discipline to push everything else aside and get Jacob the best of me.
Good post, and good advice (indirectly).
ReplyDeleteI am certain you will have many quality moments with Jacob. He loves his Daddy and will always treasure his moments with him. I am also his character will develop just as you hope. It will not be entirely because of the "quality time" you spend with him. Much of it will be by his observations of you as you go about your life. He will be a mirror of you. He will be fine man, I have no doubt.
ReplyDeleteI'm Just curious, which truths and beliefs do you want to be teaching. You mention a few, but just wondered if you would elaborate. Maybe a top '10' or something. Also wonder if you think there are age appropriate truths and beliefs.
ReplyDeleteIt is not so much a top ten of values I want him to learn but a greater clarity of the values as a whole I want him to see and learn. Reading back over my post, my statement about quality time being time that shapes his character is a little heavy. His character is shaped constantly. What I was trying to convey was a need to spend time with Jacob that he can appreciate as quality. In that time I want to accomplish a couple of things that can't be accomplished in other activities.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want him to clearly see here in the present that I love him and value him. The daily care of providing food and shelter are "loving" but not in a way that he can appreciate. Taking him to the pool is such a way. The felt need of security and feeling loved must be filled first before I can "add" the values of honesty, obedience, sharing, etc.
Second, it is during these times my lifestyle and character are more in his focus. When he is playing with his trains on the floor by himself, he will have a limited awareness of my actions, such as treating his mother with respect and love. But when we are 1-on-1, he can more see me showing respect to an elderly lady at the Y or other actions that he needs to see. It is a little unnerving that he can pick up all your traits, good and bad, but I believe my character and beliefs are better than what the world as a whole will teach him.